Singleness: An Opportunity to Thrive
15 Feb 2019
By Arielle Estoria
When I was younger, I remember attending a girls retreat where my mom was the leader. At this retreat she read a book to the group, “The Princess and the Kiss” was about a princess who on her 16th birthday received a gift- her first kiss. The princess was given the freedom to give this precious gift to whoever she wanted to but even with suitor after suitor trying to win her approval, no matter what they offered she found herself not settling for any of them. Eventually another suitor came but this time he did not offer grand gestures or extravagant riches, he simply offered what he had- his own first kiss. This story has shaped my view of relationships and intimacy for the past 27 years and has allowed me to remember the precious gift that I myself have been given and to be intentional with who I extend it to.
Recently, I started dating a dreamy individual who is every poem, prayer and twelve year old journal page list of wants I’ve ever written. I am a hopeless romantic and I was beginning to feel like what I desired in a relationship or significant other was an impossible and ancient way of thinking. No one loves like that anymore, no guy like that exists in today’s day and age. Goodness was I wrong but like I said, only recently have I been able to come to the realization that God really and truly does see and know the desires of our hearts while we are in our seasons of waiting and he also makes it clear what we’re supposed to be doing until those desires come into fruition.
Often times, we automatically assume that our season of waiting during singleness implies idleness or sulking. But before I met John, I knew that I was and am put on this earth for a purpose that didn’t have anything to do with being in a relationship. First and foremost I had a purpose and calling over my life that I was and am meant to live out. I was meant to speak to women reminding them of their value, worth and calling. I was meant to step on stages and share my gift with others in hope that they encounter Jesus. See, in our waiting, we are not meant to be idle- we are meant to be putting in just as much work and intention as we would into future relationships but this time it’s the relationship with ourselves and the God who made us.
There is a calling and purpose over your life as the individual woman of God that you are and the intention of our waiting seasons are meant to figure out what that purpose is and live it out.
Perhaps you’re thinking, “But Arielle, being married or being a wife IS my purpose” and to that I say yes, but that’s your purpose later, not right now. So what is your purpose NOW? How are you going to prepare yourself for when that part of your calling does come into fruition? What is God calling you to in THIS present season?
“The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” Proverbs 20:5
Even though we were made to be in relationship with people that doesn’t always just mean intimate, significant other relationships. It means ALL relationships, with God, with our friends, our family and the community around us. Our initial purpose is to tend to those relationships and out of them comes understanding of our calling, out of them comes understanding of knowing who we are and what we were put here to do outside of being wives or mothers.
But here’s the thing because I get it, I’ve been there. Sometimes we are thriving in our calling and purpose and still it feels as though our knights in shining armor will never come. While in our seasons of waiting, we WILL experience seasons of doubt, doubt in who we are and how God made us, doubt in our ability to love and be loved in return, doubt in terms of who God is and how he is moving in our lives. But here is one thing you can be sure of, He sees you, He hears you and He knows.
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
Imagine this: You’re running a race, doing great, keeping up good pace, feeling good about where you’re at and how you’re excelling. THEN someone comes running up beside you, also doing great, keeping up good pace and feeling good about where they’re at. Right now, you’re running your race, right now you are putting in the work and intention and tending to the season God has for you and eventually if it’s God’s will for you, someone will meet beside you while they are also running their race.
God hasn’t forgotten you in your season of waiting, he knows your heart, he hears your prayers and he also knows that he has instilled within you a purpose and calling to be lived out as well. This waiting season is not a space where you are meant to be sitting idle, twiddling your thumbs waiting for someone to come and rescue or complete you. Jesus died on the cross and loves you intentionally every single day, in that alone you are rescued and complete. So it’s time to get up and get to work honey, you have purpose, you have work to do, go find it.
Arielle Estoria is a Writer, Speaker and Creative. Her motto of “Words not for the ears but for the soul” stems from her dedication to remind her audience that words are meant to be felt and not just heard. Arielle’s first EP, a collection of music and poetry called Symphony of a Lioness is now available on iTunes or Apple Music. She is Co-author of two self published collections of poetry: Vagabonds and Zealots (2014) and Write Bloody Spill Pretty (2017) which can both be found on Amazon.com. She is made of sass and good intentions, has a deep love for car karaoke, brunch and flowers.