by Kati Smith
“Are we going to sit in a circle and cry?”
That was one of the better responses to a message I sent to about 20 girlfriends to invite them over for girl’s night. I’ll admit, the message was a bit mushy, but mostly it was just honest. Really, I didn’t plan to sit in a circle and cry, but I couldn’t make any promises.
The thing is, I’ve been mulling over this question lately: Why is it so hard for girls to be friends with other girls?
Finding and developing healthy and encouraging relationships with other women can feel downright impossible. It’s a phenomenon I have struggled to understand since like 1997. Relationships with girls are so hard that most of the time I’d rather lock myself in the house and watch the Cake Wars marathon than try to spend time with a group of females. Seriously.
So, I did the only thing I could think to do: I got on Facebook (Solving the World’s Issues 101: Always start with social media). I sent this message to my friends:
br>I have to confess something to you. I have always thought being friends with girls is rough.br>br>I’m all overly emotional about everything and always have my feelings hurt. Like, “Ohhhh my gosh, you went to Starbucks with HER and didn’t invite me?!!? Whhhyyy do you hate me?!?!”br>br>OR like when you show up wearing a new dress, or you got engaged, or you are just SO NICE that I could just drown in my own jealousy and insecurity. Ughhh!br>br>Anyhow, I was thinking about this the other day–not why you hate me or why your hair is so much better than mine, but why it can be rough to be friends with girls…br>br>If I’m being completely honest & raw with you, I’ve been jealous of every.single.one of you at some point. Some I’ve had flat out fights with, others unspoken tensions. I bet if you look at the list you’d see some women you’ve had the same issues with yourself. But one thing I know is this: Being friends with girls CAN be rough, but it doesn’t HAVE to be.br>br>Am I talkin’ to myself here or are ya with me?!br>br>When I tried to count the wonderful women around me, I was happy to know that even when I used both hands, I ran out of fingers!br>br>So, in honor of your fabulous wardrobe, your new engagements, your love, your good advice, your intelligence, your integrity, your beauty, your ability to be nice to everyone, and your being a GIRL, I would love to invite you over THIS FRIDAY to celebrate.
The day came, I decorated a bit (Yes, it was pink!), we ate cake pops and laughed a bunch. Some of the women didn’t know each other before, and some hadn’t seen one another in ages, so new friendships and old ones were celebrated. It was all girls, and it was just fun and relaxing.
But here’s the deal—I know that even after that night this will be hard. There are so many reasons why it’s hard for women to make (and keep) friendships with other women. We can make a long list of those reasons (jealousy, sensitivity, gossip, insecurity, etc, etc.) and use that list as an excuse for why we stay home and watch One Tree Hill, or why we develop unhealthy connections with male friends instead. OR, we can just try. We can message our friends, even the ones we are jealous of or the ones who have hurt us, and just try.
God intends for us to live in rich community with other women. To love one another, to show grace and forgiveness, to be a constant encouragement at all times….and sometimes maybe even to sit in a circle and cry.
The question of why it’s so hard might confound us, but the answer is always “It doesn’t have to be.” We all just have to start somewhere. This week, why don’t YOU be the fearless girl that gathers a group of other girls together? It just takes Facebook, a little courage, and a bunch of chocolate!
Why do you think it’s sometimes hard to forge healthy friendships with other girls?