My life was a wild entanglement of self-destruction. I was in my second year of college and things were getting progressively worse. Though I had been dealing with it for a while, I finally admitted to myself that I had an eating disorder. Even with the truth out in the open, it only continued to escalate. I hated myself for everything I was doing and yet, I couldn’t stop. I began to question everything. Why would God do this to me? What had I done to deserve this?
A year prior, during my freshman year of college, I found a great church near my university. The first few weeks of school were spent debating which church organizations I loved the most. I wanted to devote myself entirely to God and wanted to see my relationship with Him grow stronger with every passing semester. In spite of these desires, there was such an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame that came along with my self-hatred. I eventually put God far behind the unhealthy obsessions in my life, and I stopped going to church altogether. I knew God was a magnificent Creator, but I could just not see it any measure of worth in myself. All I saw was an inadequate failure that was too lost to ever find her way back. I figured that for a girl like me, church would be the last place where I would be wanted, and that God would be too disappointed in and disgraced by me.
Laura Gonzalez is a 20 year old college student studying to get her degree in Communication. She hopes to go to graduate school to become a Licensed Professional Counselor and eventually help others battling eating disorders. When she isn’t studying, Laura enjoys delving into a good book and journaling about her everyday life. She is passionate about growing in her faith and helping others do the same. Her struggles in the past few years have given her a greater appreciation for life. Because of that, she is trying to live a life in Christ every day. You can follow her blog, Life with Laura, or follow her on Twitter at @Laura__Danielle.