Secret Struggles

04 Mar 2011

by Allie Marie Smith

Lately some big faith questions have been churning inside my mind and heart, driving me mad. I’m scared to confess they make me want to run and hide and call this ministry thing quits. For days I’ve wrestled with whether or not to talk about these uncertainties and questions. But this I know:

Secrets are dangerous when they remain untold.

Thursday night I exposed my big questions, doubts and fears to Kayla, one of my sweet besties. Through my heavy, silent sobs and mascara-run cheeks she listened, ran her fingers through my hair and spoke truth and affirmation.

Through her and a message at a conference this morning, I heard God’s still, small voice: Your fears and doubts do not disqualify you from being used by God. Every authentic believer wrestles with God at one time or another.

My heart is not proud, LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have calmed and quieted myself,
I am like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child I am content.
Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore. (Psalm 131)

Photo by Katee Grace (Copyrighted)




  1. Anonymous Says: March 4, 2011 at 9:28 pm

    So funny that I came across this post as I am struggling with something similiar. Thanks for sharing!

  2. I’m so glad this was an encouragement to you. I think we all need to be more real with the doubts we face, persevere and not lose the true hope only Christ offers.

    Thanks for your comment.

  3. Sometimes I feel like when we are ready to give up God reaches out and lifts us up in His arms to comfort us and renew our strength.

    “The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary,and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31

    Keep the faith! It is a living and unshakable confidence. Jesus has confidence in your abilities to lead and bless girls’ lives in countless ways 🙂

    xoxo Kendra

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