Secret Struggles

by Allie Marie Smith

Lately some big faith questions have been churning inside my mind and heart, driving me mad. I’m scared to confess they make me want to run and hide and call this ministry thing quits. For days I’ve wrestled with whether or not to talk about these uncertainties and questions. But this I know:

Secrets are dangerous when they remain untold.

Thursday night I exposed my big questions, doubts and fears to Kayla, one of my sweet besties. Through my heavy, silent sobs and mascara-run cheeks she listened, ran her fingers through my hair and spoke truth and affirmation.

Through her and a message at a conference this morning, I heard God’s still, small voice: Your fears and doubts do not disqualify you from being used by God. Every authentic believer wrestles with God at one time or another.

My heart is not proud, LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have calmed and quieted myself,
I am like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child I am content.
Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore. (Psalm 131)

Photo by Katee Grace (Copyrighted)

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