by Erin Weidemann
Okay, so, I lose a lot. Well, I have lost a lot. Of actual stuff, I mean.
When I think about the running total of my Items I Had But Don’t Have Anymore list, it really is kind of alarming. Let’s see, where do I begin? How much time do you have? I won’t name everything, but here’s a pretty sufficient list: driver’s licenses, debit cards, cash, jackets, shirts, shoes, watches, earrings, keys, dog collars, newly-bought coffees placed on the roof of my car and so much more. Many a Post-It containing important scribblings has eluded me on more than one occasion.
Sometimes, I find the items I’ve lost. A lot of the time, though, those lost items are gone forever.
It’s because I rush. My brain is going a mile a minute. It’s pretty simple: I hurry, and I lose stuff.
I’ve lost a ton of things, but only a handful of them have left me with a terrible pit in my stomach, a dull, rotting ache inside that hurts so bad that I have done a decent job of pushing them out of my brain. My college softball glove is one example. I lost it while I was at a tournament working as a volunteer coach. I will never put it on again. I don’t think about it often. But every once in a while that depressing fact, that the glove I wore in every collegiate game I ever played is gone forever, creeps back into my brain and makes me feel sad all over again.
I hate losing things. I hate it because of the way it makes me feel. I also hate it because it demonstrates that I didn’t care enough about it to make sure it was protected, secure, and safe.
I think about my daughter sometimes. Will I lose her? I don’t mean physically, although I do have hallucinatory flashes of a family trip when we lost my sister on the streets of San Francisco. We turned around and she was gone. Bless her little five year old heart. We found her a few minutes later, her hands and lips were glued to the glass counter front of a Mrs. Fields cookie shop. I don’t mean that kind of lost.
I’m a mother, and sometimes I see things out in the world that terrify me on a level that I can’t really even explain. It’s loud. It’s gross. It’s angry. It’s obsessed with Me, Mine, and More. And it’s the norm. I watch the life sucked out of young girls who are desperately trying to look, act, and be someone completely different from who they are. They do this because they think their worth is based on what they see in the world.
I mean, when I think of my daughter, will I lose her? Will I lose her mind? Will I lose her heart?
How can I keep her from losing her identity in Christ? How am I going to help her realize her true value before she is affected by the line of crap this world dishes out?
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
When something gets lost, and it’s something you really valued, it’s hard not to dwell on it. It’s hard not to obsess over it. It’s hard not to wish it would somehow materialize.
“Stuff” I can lose. It’s just stuff, but I can’t lose her.
And there He is. Trust me, He says.. You are mine, and I am with you. I will give you the strength you need, the words she needs to hear. You will know how to hold her, how to comfort her. You will know because I will show you.
Do not be afraid, He whispers. I listen and repeat His words to keep them close. Because if I do that, if I focus on His promises and keep them close; I won’t ever lose them because they will be here, right beside me.
What was the last thing you lost?
Photo Cred: Chelsea Steller
Erin is an enthusiastic and goofy mom to two children, one of them with paws. She is a wife, author, teacher, former college athlete and a five time cancer survivor. Her heart is in Seville, Spain, though she calls Encinitas, CA home. In her spare time she enjoys going to the beach with her husband and daughter, coaching softball, and pretending she can bake. She loves eating, laughing, and volunteering at Sunday school. Alongside her husband, she is the co-founder of Bible Belles, an organization committed to teaching girls about the female heroes of the Bible.
