Life or Death
17 Apr 2012
NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Below is a personal testimony from Christie, a beloved Wonderfully Made Executive Team member. It is raw, honest, powerful and true, and intended to provide perspective. To learn more about Christie’s story and the freedom she’s experienced from her past, please watch her HerStory film here.
I had two abortions at Planned Parenthood. One when I was 15 and one when I was 18. What I am about to share is not speculation or opinion. It’s my own experience. When I got pregnant unexpectedly, I was scared. I didn’t want to be pregnant, and I certainly wasn’t ready to have a baby, and I didn’t want my boyfriend to leave me. I didn’t want to discuss my pregnancy options, because I didn’t feel as though I had options. And I didn’t want to talk it over with my family, because I didn’t want them to try to talk me into having the babies. I just wanted the pregnancies to be over. So I went to Planned Parenthood.
I was told that some women experience depression after having an abortion. This does not even begin to describe what I experienced after my abortion. The second was worst than the first. I didn’t know exactly where the deep feelings of hopelessness and loss were coming from at the time, but they ended up almost taking my life. After years of self-medicating with substances and unhealthy relationships, I knew I had to get to the root of my pain. That’s when I realized the impact of my two abortions.
I couldn’t help but feel a deep connection to the two children, my two children, that had been vacuumed from my own womb. This is not a “socially savvy” thing to say, but it is the truth. I wanted my babies back, along with the pieces of my heart I had given up with them. I had two abortions because I was afraid of what would happen and what my life would be like if I didn’t. I was trying to maintain control felt like that was the way to do it. But those abortions shook something unexplainable in the very core of my being as a woman that I will not attempt to describe.
With every fiber of my being, I want to see women respected and honored by men, by society, and by themselves. As women, we were created to be strong, wise, and beautiful. But there is an oppressive force at work. Greed is playing off our fear of rejection. And it is playing off our fear of taking a stand against the Silent Holocaust of Abortion—a multi-billion dollar industry that kills more than one million babies every year. That’s more than two million lives each year that are destroyed if you count the mothers who give their children up to death. Three million if you count the fathers. I know, because handing my babies over to death destroyed my life. It took me years to be able admit this. My heart was too hard at first, and I felt like I had to block out the pain to cope, to survive.
As a woman deeply invested in seeing other women treated with admiration and honor, I am calling you, Reader, Friend, Sister, to take a stand for Life. There is a line in the sand, and as uncomfortable or socially inappropriate as it may be to call abortion what it is, “murder”, we have to start telling the truth. Abortion is not a matter of women’s rights. It’s a matter of human rights. And unborn babies are humans, created by God, with a heartbeat and eyes, and fingers and toes, and most importantly: an eternal soul.
Jesus never rejected me when I had my abortions, and I am not suggesting by any stretch of the imagination that you reject women who abort their babies, or that you live in shame if you have had an abortion (or two, or three, or four, or five). Jesus never shames people. Wholly and completely, He removes shame and heals.
He healed the depths of my heart with His love and forgiveness when I came to Him and asked. And He will do the same for anyone who calls out to Him from their heart for healing, freedom, and new life. It might not happen instantly, but it will happen. He gave up His own life for this very purpose: so we could be forgiven, healed, and reconciled to God. This is the main reason we must not stoop to death, or choose to look the other way by remaining silent. For the sake of Christ.
How have you experienced healing from the Lord, despite the shameful or dark things in your past?