by: Juliandra Durkin
I’ve been reading the Old Testament for a few weeks and the concept of faith has hit me, time and time again. Abraham and his faith to sacrifice his son on an altar to God. Job and his faith to not curse God after losing his children, property, livestock, and health. Moses and his faith to return to a land and ruler that he fled from when Pharaoh wanted to kill him, in order to rescue God’s people. Esther’s faith to walk into the King’s presence, unannounced, at the risk of being killed on the spot, in order to save her people.
Who are these people and how did they trust God so much to have faith like this that their lives seem to mean nothing in the presence of Him?
It baffles me that these men and women of the past lived through desperate, heartbreaking, and life-threatening times; their names and stories are recorded in a Book that has lasted centuries. And sitting in my room on a comfy bed, I can draw strength from them, and then shut that Book and 20 minutes later get caught up in the worries and woes of life.
Never have I faced anyone as wealthy or with as much power as a king. The only time my life was threatened was if my brothers and I fought as children and we yelled this at each other in naiveté. I don’t have children so the concept of my child dying, or worse yet, sacrificing my child to God is somewhat lost on me. So why does putting my trust in God seem so hard sometimes? Why is having the faith of a mustard seed that Jesus talked about in the gospels seem so difficult? That I should trust him with life things like medical bills, money, provision, future, a full-time job, car troubles, and messy family relationships?
Sometimes I make myself dizzy with prayers of protection, providence, and provision of God, that I wonder how is He not sick of my lack of trust. I give Him my future and two minutes later am worried about that last job application. I give Him my car and take it right back as soon as I find out that one more thing needs to be repaired on it. I give Him my relationships and then wonder if I used enough smiley faces in that text I sent 10 minutes ago, which must be the reason why my friend hasn’t responded. It seems as though my job, money, car, and relationships can make or break my day with the emotions and energy that are tied into these things, so where is the faith really?
Thank goodness we serve a gracious God who loves His children so that when we realize that we are living out of worry, stress, and doing it on our own, we can repent and give it all back to Him once more. “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1)
My faith comes from knowing I serve a big God, reigning sovereign and unchanging above all my unstable emotions and petty attempts to do life on my own. And that thought gives me the confidence to return to His presence and do the dance again, asking Him to forgive, take all the worry away, and provide all that I really need Him to, in His time. And though I am not done learning about faith and all that it entails, I trust that He knows and sees me where I am. My faith is in Him, as He is, to carry me through each day and really go the distance as all those people from the Old Testament did.
What are some things you need to let go of, putting your faith in Him, in order to go the distance?
Juliandra Durkin is the manager for Wonderfully Made’s blog Know Your Value. She also writes at Written Jewels, a personal blog with stories and reflections on life. Juliandra has a love of nature, hiking, biking, swimming, reading, writing, culture, and especially travel. A graduate of Westmont College in Santa Barbara, CA, she has degrees in Spanish Language and Communication Studies and currently lives in Pennsylvania with her family.
